Opening Doorz

By Venkatesh Raghavan | Opening Doorz Editorial | October 27, 2019

I finished munching the chicken pattice; Amir signalled for two teas and he urged me to try the plum cakes that were set on the table. It was early morning time. Amir had finished dropping his kids to school and wanted me to converse at a leisurely pace. It was the post-election scenario and our talk which centered around government formation went somewhat on these lines.

Amir: The Shiv Sena is demanding that Aditya Thackeray be made Chief Minister. Do you think this will break-up the alliance?

Me: You don’t understand Amir. Prime Minister, Chief Minister or take any minister for that matter, these are all employment opportunities. Our politicians are an inspiring lot. They inspire citizens to join the electoral fray and march past people who claim to be part of a skilled work force. I sincerely feel that Aditya Thackeray must be made the Prime Minister of the country.

Amir: You are sounding preposterous. How can you justify your statement?

Me: I feel happy that one GenNext politician is pitching for night life. If Aditya becomes Prime Minister, the entire country will get to enjoy nightlife. If people get to enjoy nightlife in their own villages or native regions, India will become a tourist destination like Thailand and people will be on a celebratory mode throughout.

Amir: Your plan sounds very simplistic. How do you expect the BJP think-tank to accept this line of thought? None of them will agree on your ambitious aspirations for Aditya Thackeray.

Me: It’s really simple. I first told you these are all employment opportunities. Take for instance the Police Commissionerate of Mumbai. You have an Additional Commissioner, Joint Commissioner and so on. In police stations you have Senior Police Inspector, Police Inspector and so on. Similarly, we expand the employment opportunities by handing out decorative designations like Additional Prime Minister, Senior Prime Minister, Prime Minister for administration, Prime Minister Night Life and so on.

Amir: You say you are creating employment opportunities. The burden of paying them salaries will fall on the tax payer. Will the people of the country take kindly to this?

Me: You need to think out of the box. Our plan is to make India a grand tourist destination. To ensure that all the people cooperate, we should declare that people working in the tourism trade will not face any taxation. This way there will be healthy competition in the tourism industry. People who prefer other industries like software or hardcore manufacturing can make money on the side by lending their cars or vehicles to those who cater to tourism.

Amir: You are forgetting one thing. Aditya is just 29-years-old and people in politics may not feel inclined to take advice from him. He will be faced with tremendous pressure.

Me: That should not be a problem. It will be an employment opportunity for our civil servants. Now the cleverest go to the Indian Foreign Service or Indian Revenue service. We just need to tweak it a bit. Those civil servants getting the highest scores will get recruited in the Indian Revolutionary Services.

(Venkatesh Raghavan is a versatile reporter who has handled various beats like crime, aviation, defense, infrastructure, SEBI, revenue intelligence and the textile industry for more than 30 years. He is currently deputy editor of a niche textile magazine Textile Excellence. He has penned three novels: The Counterfeit Racket, Those 9 Days and Operation Drug Mafia).

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